Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
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I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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