Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
