I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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