she was so not down for the gang bang
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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