; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
