I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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