i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
