New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
