Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
