That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
