I need help removing her.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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