While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
