Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
