he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
