I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
