dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
