Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
