There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The ass gains better be worth it
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