I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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