please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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