I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
