Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
