There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
only you would photoshop your dick
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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