thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i believe in u and ur pee
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