Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
