i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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