I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
