those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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