..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We're too hungover to prance.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
