Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
