The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
