I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
