We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
