We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
