You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
