his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
