My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
