turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
