well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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