Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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