Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
3 2 1 whiskey
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
