Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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