Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
