He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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