Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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