I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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