I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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