I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
