I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
