we have officially lost it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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