so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
