Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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