paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
