At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
