This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
