apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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