just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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