hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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