i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
