you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
