New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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