Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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