There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
smell my finger.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
