he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
