he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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