So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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