He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
